Column: Paths to Peace, by Jeremy Corey-Gruenes

I’m a bit of a news junkie, sometimes to a fault. I stick to legitimate news most of the time, but I occasionally get drawn into celebrity coverage. I paid more attention to Charlie Sheen’s meltdown than I should have.

But my true passion for news runs deeper than tawdry Hollywood fluff, and I’ve always secretly wanted to be called on as a “noted authority” or “expert guest” on one of those programs that really delves deeply into the issues, to share my knowledge and expertise with the audience. Unfortunately, Anderson Cooper has never invited me to join him in his CNN studio.

While I’m neither an economist nor a political scientist, I feel I have a lot to offer these shows because I’m an expert in the art of negotiation. My credentials? I’ve been married to the same woman for well over a decade.

My wife and I will celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary on Aug. 1. We were together five years prior to marrying, so we’ve really been a team for 18, and without continual, effective negotiation we likely wouldn’t have made it this long.

Although proven successful, the general approach to negotiation my wife and I take is one that tough politicos and captains of industry would likely find laughable, naïve, even ridiculous. “You’re way too soft,” they’d say, “you have to get a backbone and stand for something!” In fact, here are a few specific deficiencies I can imagine these guys citing before kicking me out of their smoke-filled rooms.

Problem No. 1: I care about the other side’s welfare and happiness, both in the present and future. I’m committed to my marriage for the long haul. I’m looking out for Jenny beyond my lifespan (assuming she’ll outlive me) and even beyond hers (assuming our kids outlive us).

Problem No. 2: I communicate realistic minimal demands. In other words, I don’t ask for things that aren’t reasonable. I don’t try to negotiate three days with my family and zero with hers over Christmas, even if that’s what I might really want. (I’m hoping my in-laws aren’t reading this.) I keep what’s rational and equitable in my mind—maybe a day, or a day and a half. A more hardcore negotiator might say, “if you want 1.5, start with 5 and work your way down.” But I’m not interested in wasting time or insulting anybody.

Problem No. 3: I’m willing to give up something I’ve successfully won in the past if the current situation merits doing so. Things change in life. Since we started a family, I’ve given up numerous items I had successfully negotiated before. It’s a different world now. Precedence and tradition are not sacred in mutually beneficial negotiations.

Problem No. 4: I can live with not getting every single thing I want in a negotiation and am willing to make personal sacrifices for the greater good of our marriage and family. True compromise requires give-and-take from both sides. When it doesn’t, it’s just bulldozing.

I claimed earlier to be an “expert” negotiator, but I’m really nothing special. All reasonable, compassionate adults who love their families share many of these values. We might not always implement them successfully or live them perfectly, but we try to and know that we should.

Since my “expertise” is really not that unusual, I’m not holding out for Anderson Cooper’s call, but I do wish that someone in our smaller state media would ask me about our current budget standoff. I’d prefer MPR call and feature me on Midmorning with Karri Miller. She’s nice to her guests, and I’m almost always up by 9 a.m. when her show airs.

Comments from this “expert” would be brief, much briefer than this column in fact. I’d simply suggest that if our political leaders negotiated publicly at the capital as we all do privately in our own homes, we wouldn’t be facing a potential government shutdown. I’d also challenge our leaders in St. Paul to consider a few specific questions:

Are you really taking into account the general welfare and happiness of the other side and those affected by your proposed policies? What are your minimal demands, and are they reasonable? Are logic, reason and compassion driving your positions rather than tradition, precedence or concern for reelection? What are you willing to concede? What personal sacrifices are you willing to make?

Charlie Sheen has shown us that one can claim to be “winning” while actually losing in so many ways. When we fail to compromise in negotiation, we are often more concerned about “winning” than serving the greater good. In doing so, our elected leaders risk not only losing, but looking as arrogant, foolish, and pathetic as Mr. Sheen in the process.

Jeremy Corey-Gruenes is a member of the English Department at Albert Lea High School and lives in Albert Lea with his wife and two young daughters. He can be reached at jcorey2@gmail.com.