Latest Tales From Exit 22

Columnists

Al Batt: Make yourself useful and put on a coat of arms

My great-grandfather bellowed, “Buckle up.”

Opinion

Al Batt: Thistlebottom’s Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom moment

There are legions of famous Minnesotans, and that includes you.

Opinion

Al Batt: Ripening in an Oklahoma fast-food drive-thru

“Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plain, and the waving wheat can sure smell sweet, when ...

Opinion

Al Batt: Prehistoric gummy bears chewed gum while hibernating

A kid offered me some Big League Chew bubble gum.

Opinion

Al Batt: Remember three things

I remember a professor (I don’t remember his name) telling my class (I don’t remember what class it ...

Opinion

Al Batt: It rained tiny Halloween pumpkins that bit me

There was something in the air. I was trying to weave my day into a seamless garment when ...

Opinion

Al Batt: Fall is the time to schedule a pumpkin spice colonoscopy

I saw a grizzly bear caterpillar. It’s going to be a brutal winter.

Opinion

Al Batt: My buttonholes were due for a major upgrade

We could all use an upgrade.

Opinion

Al Batt: Hoping for no Buick Bisons or Lincoln Lemmings on 494

I wasn’t shuffling off to Buffalo.

Opinion

Al Batt: Outgrabe, Irish wristwatch, headbutting while texting and pilfering seagulls

I tried to say, “Irish wristwatch” three times quickly.

Opinion

Al Batt: It’s better to have a landline than a land mine these days

I swallowed a mosquito. I’m an adventurous eater.

Opinion

Al Batt: Last winter had been peaked, puny and downsized

The air carried the scent of a dirty athletic sock that had been microwaved.

Opinion

Al Batt: Let the good times roll—Toilet Paper Day is Aug. 26

It’s an August sublime. I’m still eating sweet corn, and the Minnesota Twins are still in the running. ...

Opinion

Al Batt: It was the first time a hush fell over that crowd

A cat owns my wife and me. We have three litter boxes because cats are territorial about those ...

Opinion

Al Batt: The best used by date is today; don’t take anyone for granted

I hadn’t heard from him since he went off to college at the South Dakota School of Mimes.

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